Yule experiences and Happy New Year

Yule was interesting for me this year.

Our group, which has formally chosen the name Heimdrifandu, had our first public ritual.
It was well put together with lovely singing and chanting, darkness to light, flash paper that burned different colors(better living through chemistry) and the earnest dedication and devotion to making it all work together despite the fact this was our first time and we were all incredibly nervous.
It went very well and all the participants had amazingly positive feedback for us.
I have to say, the work and care that went into it was above and beyond most public rituals I've been involved in.
I am very proud. And pleased. My colleagues are all amazing people. I'm blessed to know them.

But because of inner personal chaos, my own personal Yule was less than spectacular. Which is odd(odd in the sense of frustrating, annoying and downright bizarre), Yule and Eostre are my two favorite Norse holy days. I love the decorations, the lights, the tree, the presents, all of those things that may not be "lore substantiated" but joyful nonetheless.

However, this year I felt "blah" about the whole thing. I couldn't seem to get excited about anything.

I've been working on that self-knowledge component to try to pin down what went awry. Apathy is not a common feeling for me. I'm "gigantic melancholy, gigantic mirth"(forgive me Robert E. Howard for the paraphrase) woman.

Last year was rough in some ways, but amazingly cool in others.
So it's not like I'm taking a cosmic "life sucks" hit this year.

I'm doing what I want to do. I went back to school to get my degree in Journalism, I'm self-employed cleaning houses and writing publicity. I'm getting paid to write. Wow.

My son is growing to be an extraordinary person. He is smart and talented and funny and neither troubled nor in trouble. He is happy.

I'm happy with my beloved. We live together and are happier because of it.

All my other relationships are going well. I have good friends and great colleagues.

My spiritual life is going very well. I have deepened my rapport with all my deities of choice and have helped others this year.

I will figure this out.

For all of you that wander along this path or any others dedicated to gods, Happy New Year.