Friday, June 19, 2009

Practical Magic: Severing the Ties that Bind

Everyone has relationships that don't work out, that for whatever reason have gone awry and cause pain and suffering.
And at some time in the heat of the moment, everyone wishes they never met that other person. Everyone wishes they could do something that would make the pain go away.

But that doesn't mean everyone should sever the tie. Because severing a tie between you and another person is serious and permanent. Let me repeat, SERIOUS and PERMANENT.

Instead, there are two intermediate steps, knotting off and filtering.

Knotting off entails envisioning the tie between you and that other person(I have people visualize a cord or a thread that runs between) and tying a knot in it to restrict the flow of energy, emotions and thoughts between you and that other person.
A helpful focusing chant for me is "I knot away from me all energy that is negative and harmful to my well-being".
You can also use the Isa rune to freeze the connection.
This will give you the time and space to figure out how to solve the problems in the relationship without the constant negative energy input/output between you and the other person.

However, this is only temporary. If you leave a knot too long, a form of soul-gangrene will occur, just like if you left a tourniquet on your physical body too long. So find a way to solve the problem as soon as possible.

Filtering entails envisioning the tie between you and that other person and installing a screen. I like to think of window screens, but I've had people use force field and engineering imagery as well.
A helpful focusing chant for me is "No thing negative or harmful will pass this way. Only that which is positive and helpful will pass to me from thee and from me to thee."
You can also use the Nauthiz or Eihwaz rune as a focus.

Unless you add more negativity to the relationship, this is enough for most bad/painful/toxic relationships.

However, there are some ties or some relationships that are so toxic to your heart and soul that to continue them would do you massive,on-going harm.
I advise that anyone contemplating such a drastic step visit a psychological professional or spiritual advisor to help define this level of toxicity.
I also advise that anyone contemplating such a drastic step first try other steps to correct the problem more gently, whether it is knotting, filtering, negotiation, counselling, self-help work, etc.
If all of these things have been defined and tried, then severing is appropriate.

Severing entails envisioning the tie between you and the other person.
Through that tie, you take back all that you put into the relationship. This takes the form of a list of material things you gave, emotional experiences you shared or thoughts you had about this person.
Then through that tie, you give back all that they gave you in the relationship. This is a pile of material things they gave you and a list of emotional experiences you shared.
In both these instances, it is important to be thorough. Both positive and negative things must be taken back and returned.
Then, envisioning that tie between you and the other person, you cut it three times. I use a scalpel visualization usually, but I have used scissors and in one very nasty case, an axe.
A focusing chant I use is, "Once I cut, to break the tie, Twice I cut to for the pain to fly, three times I cut for the bond to cease, from this life to the next, let there be peace."
You can also use Kenaz to burn through the tie.

As with all things I write here, this is in my experience. Your mileage will most certainly vary.

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